Sometimes I feel stuck. Not in every aspect of my life, but in a particular place or two that isn’t fulfilling or the way that I want it to be. I usually watch it for a while, dissatisfied with being stuck, but not ready to act. When I’m ready to do something, though, I’m not always sure what to do, particularly if my discomfort is social, not technical. I read a book recently though that gave me some good ideas.
The fact that the book was personally helpful was a bit of a surprise, because the book is about grief. Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen (available at Amazon)is about recovering from deep-seated grief, typically experienced after the death of a spouse or child. It’s about starting over from a place where you aren’t sure you can move. I haven’t had such an event and don’t expect one (knock on wood), so at first, I passed up this book. I was intuitively drawn to it, however, and so I finally selected it and began to read. Yes, it is about how to recover from soul-numbing grief, but it is also a plan for getting unstuck after other major set-backs such as a divorce, broken engagement, job termination, or other emotionally-jarring event. You know how a major set-back can make everything just look too hard to attempt? I’m not that way in every part of my life, but there are a few hold-outs that need rehabilitation.
The book helped me understand what was going on internally and build new pathways in my brain so that it is less likely to go down the same old highway and more willing to go down a new, more pleasant road. I learned a process to move from unable-to-do-anything to being-where-I-want-to-be using small, self-compassionate steps. I’m action-oriented in some ways, and am good at making plans and breaking a large task into smaller tasks. Here, I learned that teeny tiny non-threatening steps count. And I need to be sure I do them. Why hadn’t I applied this principle to non-technical issues such as being more socially comfortable in groups or developing friendships? These things are a bit difficult for me, and I didn’t really know how to start. It never occurred to me to make a plan, or what kind of steps I could take. The book is full of examples and ideas of tiny steps that lead to a long journey. It held my hand and showed me the way. I can take this as far as I’d like in repairing the broken places in my life.
I could say more, but I think you get the idea. Besides, my life has taken a few big steps lately in some areas of my life, challenging the less-happy areas to catch up. I think I have some thinking to do and changes to initiate – one small step at a time!
FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.